“Make them dance like we were shooting their feet”

“Make them dance like we were shooting their feet”*

I’ve done something I swore I would never do when I started this blog – I’ve reused a song, one I’ve already quoted referenced again for this blog post title.

It was important to me that each post used a different song because each post is unique. But this post links back to a previous one, this one – ‘It’s just past eight and I’m feeling young and reckless, the ribbon on my wrist says ‘do not open before Christmas’

If you didn’t read it at the time then a brief outline is that I had to change, make a change. And the deadline was Christmas.

I’m sure you can guess what’s coming next.

I didn’t make it.

Christmas has come and gone, ironically like the change. I almost made it. In fact, you could probably argue that I did, if we are using a factual definition. It just failed to remain. 

It didn’t remain and so by my own self assessment, I failed. If the change reverts back before the deadline then that’s a fail. The change might as well have never happened at all.

But I’m not sure I can be blamed fully. It wasn’t all in my control. I did my very best, everything I could possibly do to change. In the end, the failure to remain was out of my control. It wasn’t my choice and it wasn’t what I wanted. And I have to accept that I couldn’t stop it.

The title kinda sums this up for me and it’s just so delicious that it came from the same song. That idea of the old gun slinging Western ‘make ’em dance!’ with the poor victims dodging bullets and looking like the world’s worst can can line. I’m under someone else’s control; dancing to their tune, dodging their bullets. I might look like I’m having a good time, that I’m having fun and choosing to dance. But I’m not, I’m being made to by forces outside of my control in the most dangerous way. And being taunted and mocked every step of the way.

So where does that leave me? Heading into a new year with failed goals and a vast lack of control over the most important aspect of my life…

Keep dancing, I guess.

RGW

*”Our Lawyers Made Us Change The Name Of This Song So We Wouldn’t Get Sued” Fall Out Boy… thank you for the words.

“It’s just past eight and I’m feeling young and reckless, the ribbon on my wrist says ‘do not open before Christmas'”

“It’s just past eight and I’m feeling young and reckless, the ribbon on my wrist says ‘do not open before Christmas'”*

Let’s just straighten a few things up – it’s not just past eight and I’m definitely not feeling young. Reckless… meh, perhaps.

Christmas though. And the time between now and then. 

It’s a deadline. My deadline.

I’ve got until Christmas. And not before. No peeking, no surprise, no cheating. You heard Fall Out Boy – do not open before Christmas. 

There has to be change. Things have to change. I’m doing all I can, we are doing all we can. How much can be controlled though? How much is really in my reach?

The disappointment is becoming too much to bear. It’s crushing, it’s soul destroying, it’s failure. 

It has to change.

RGW xx

*”Our Lawyer Made Us Change The Name Of This Song So We Wouldn’t Get Sued” Fall Out Boy… thank you for the words.